Well, it was when I did. I did lack of self worth and searched for fulfillment in someone else.
Okay, that aside. (different topic)
I noticed that when I did find the courage or need to start (online) dating, that people are selling themselves.
Nooo, not for money.
You tell about yourself and they can relate oooooh so much to the things that you say. Only once you really get to know them, well, sometimes it just seems like those related things weren't even there to begin with.
Now I do know, that when I reach out, I am more serious and willing to work on it and get committed when there is a match. Much less critical than I used to be. Whoohoo! Growing up :)
Also I've learned to take my time after a break up. Simply because I noticed that this improved my selfworth and will make me an even better partner. Not only taking time after a break up, but also when getting to know someone new.
Instead of falling for sugar coated words, get to know their sincere actions.
Because it takes time to find out if you truly are a match. (exceptions excluded of course).
Falling in love is easy, the real deal comes after, disillusionment.
I think the best way, is to first of all, be honest and transparent.
Don't play nice weather, or say what you think the other one wants to hear, because in the end you will own up.
Plus you take away the chance for someone else and yourself to start something real.
'i don't want to be the other half of your soul. i want to be the one who reminds you that you're already whole'Somehow I get the idea that back in the days, it wasn't easier to be in a committed relationship, but more serious maybe.
Now you get put up on a paddle stool, when at first impression you seem to tick all the boxes that people have on their 'my future partner should be list'. But once there is a trait that they don't like or differs, things almost immediately end. People get scared.
What happened to making things negotiable? And maybe even more important, nobody is perfect nor ever will be.
You are going to have days that you really don't like your partner or don't know where that "za za zoo" went.
Sure, you need to know what you stand for. Let that be clear.
Personally I also want to be with someone who's norms and value's I can fully support.
Because everybody has their boundaries. So know your deal breakers (red flags).
For example, if someone won't sing with me in the car, we can't even be friends. ;)
'you can't just give up because it isn't ideal. great relationships aren't great because they have no problems. they're great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work'.So if you want to be in a committed relationship then you should really be able to work for this beautiful thing that it could be.
Because this has nothing to do with, "if it is meant to be...."
your partner is not your ex
When you haven't healed from the ghosts of your past or maybe even other previous dilemmas, you will have unrealistic expectations for your future partner.
Be aware that you have a total different person, with different stories, different intentions in front of you. They deserve a real chance, just like you.
You want to spend time together, right? Then you have to keep each other posted to what your plans are going to be and check with one another. Making sure you have quality time together, as well with your friends. Communication and taking each other into account is key. You should be looking forward to each other and realize that a relationship asks for investment.
benefits and burden
It goes both ways. Why commit if you aren't willing to face the low's of someone's life?
You never know what life will bring someone, or you.
constant reinvestment, time and energy
See it as an empty box. You have to fill that box with showing interest, hugs, kisses, love making, listening, trips, massages etc. etc. If you stop putting those things in the box, then there is nothing in there to take something out of. Remember that you are the one that puts love into commitment.
It isn't automatically in there.
TransparencyDo you have what it takes to get mentally but naked? Share your insecurities, fears, needs etc. This is going to be your foundation. You will build trust with honesty and create a flowing sincere energy instead of blockages in your relationship. And this also means that your partner has to be able to be transparent as well. Can you be compassionate when they share their fears. And have an open mind and listening ear for these situations without projecting it onto yourself.
You don't have to be at the same spot on the same path. Only there needs to be willingness to adjust your path from time to time in order to be together or keep up with each other. Have goals together and also apart. Support and respect those goals. When you both vouch for that breaking up is not an option. Other options will arise because of this mindset.